Seminyak done

Friday 4th September
I’m writing this currently riding shot gun on a rammed 12 seater bus for the next 4 hours, I’m still getting used to the Balinese way of driving. Which is basically getting there as quickly as possible without running someone over.

The past week has been chilled as there wasn’t too much to do. We ended up in a 3D trick art gallery one night in the middle of nowhere, the locals didn’t quite get our sense of humour as we strayed from the usual tourist poses but more than happy to laugh at us from the side lines. As fun as it was, it was so hot in there my fingers were so sweaty i left smear marks on the camera – I didn’t know fingers could sweat that much. As for the walk back this was like the obstacle course at the end of the krypton factor with a leap of faith needed every 10 yards or a blind panic run across the road.

We had a night out but i was so drunk i couldn’t tell you in what nearby town but we ended up in a heaving rooftop club. It was a glorified Oceana with drinks that induced bell’s palsy by 10pm, floors that smelt like drunk girls vomit, full of lads from Essex and Susy’s fave cheesy pop and r’n’b music from the last 20 years. My personal highlight was showing Susy how to slut drop, before i knew it she was practising her skills on the bar like a coyote ugly girl (or one of the lady boy go go dancers from the gay bar we end up in later). Great night though however the hangover today was administered by satan himself and Susy and I are very much feeling our age.

Highlight of the last few days was the traditional Balinese cookery school we went too. We were a little reluctant to book it as it was expensive but reading one 5 star rated review after another on Trip Advisor it was the best one on the island we were sold. 10 courses we cooked up and only 14 people in the class, i loved it as it felt a little Masterchef and it was a chance for me to show off my skills, for susy on the other hand she passed her GCSE food tech with a very good garlic bread it was a little more out of the suzy Q’s comfort zone but i’m glad she got stuck in. We all got to eat the food after and lucky you we all got given the cookery book to take home. No idea where I’m going to get half of the ingredients from though!

We have also established this week that i am a magnet for all freaks, weirdos, gropy old men, taxi drivers and street sellers. Even if you have boundaries with personal space it is not something they are familiar with so be warned you’re going to be touched by strangers and their hands are not going to be clean. Susy puts it down to the fact I smile at everyone, i haven’t quite mastered Susy’s perfect resting bitch face or pretend sleeping pose yet. Oh i must also add that susy wanted me to include my stupid question of the week. “Susy, what colour is the sea?” i am fully aware what colour it is, she pissed herself laughing for ages. Don’t make me post the video of you dancing on that bar on FB!

Now we are off to Lavina after 4 days in Seminyak we are leaving with sunburn that resembles 2 magenta shin guards, 4 mosquito bites, 2 hangovers and at least 12 plasters down from the first aid kit for susy’s feet. So all in all we are doing well.

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